The Half Court Heave: Who Is The Batman To Robin Lopez?

And we're back with the second episode of The Half Court Heave. Once again, myself and the homeboy Ryan discuss the NBA Playoffs. We also briefly discuss Ryan possibly getting a new house, and Beyonce's "Single Ladies" interrupts us at one point, which is pretty cool.



Download The Half Court Heave Episode 2: Who Is The Batman To Robin Lopez?

Intro Song: "Friction" by Television
Break Song: "All Around You (Intro)" by The Brian Jonestown Massacre
Outro Song: "The Other Side Of Town" by Curtis Mayfield

Thursday Throwback Posterization: Pippen Over The Mailman

Apologies for missing last week's Throwback Posterization, but I'm back with another classic throwdown. This week's jam is from none other than Scottie Pippen, or as my dad liked to call him, Pottie Scippen. This dunk is from game 5 of the 1997 NBA Finals, which the Bulls would go onto win 90-88 to take a 3-2 lead in the series. The Bulls closed the series out in the next game in Chicago, winning their fifth title in seven years.

Pippen blows by Utah's Chris Morris, who apparently had been giving Scottie trouble on defense up until that point. No one comes to help after Pippen gets into the lane, which forces Malone to leave his man and contest the dunk. The Mailman's help defense was too little too late, as Pippen absorbs the contact and finishes strong at the rim. I love how Pippen is all business after the dunk, but I guess you have to be all business when you're trailing 14-25 on the road in a crucial game 5 of the Finals.

Farewell 2009-10 Miami Heat

First off, I just wanna say you guys look real tough in your little suits. Real classy, but like I said, tough too. It's been quite a ride this season. There's been times when I thought you guys were on the verge of a real break-thru (Coach Spoelstra buzz word) and times when I thought you guys might wind up under .500 and out of the playoffs. Turns out you were somewhere between the two. I guess you just weren't quite fluid (another Coach Spoelstra buzz word) enough. Now, I'd like to have some parting words with each one of you guys.

Dwyane Wade: Simply put, you are phenomenal at playing basketball. Sure, your fashion sense is iffy at best, but so is Jordan's. Although you didn't have a season that was as transcendent as last year's, the Heat finished with a better record, so who cares. It seems like you'd like to stick around in Miami, but I know that you have to see the front office make some big moves before you sign on the dotted line. I just hope Pat Riley knows what he's doing this summer, because it'd be a damn shame if you left.

Michael Beasley: I just can't figure you out, bro. I know you're young and have room to grow, but I'm just not convinced you're the guy everyone was gushing about before the Heat drafted you. You've got all the talent in the world, but you just can't seem to get your head in the game. I'd love to see you turn into a 20-10 guy and win multiple championships with D-Wade in Miami, but it's starting to seem less and less likely.

300!

Dank Game is officially 300 posts old!


We give thanks to our loyal readers.

Ron Artest's Mustache Smothers Durant/Thunder

After a convincing 110-89 game 4 victory in Oklahoma City on Saturday, the Thunder appeared overwhelmed by the Lakers last night in Los Angeles. What made the difference in the Lakers' 111-87 win? While many people are crediting Kobe's defense on Russell Westbrook, the real difference was Ron Artest's mustache.

"When Ron had the fucked up dyed hair in games 3 and 4 in Oklahoma City, I was able to get into a good rhythm. His shit just look so botched that I got into a mindset like, 'Can't nobody with fucked up hair like that stop me,' and I was able to just take it to him," said Kevin Durant in his post-game interview.

"Tonight though, I guess I just wasn't prepared for the mustache and bald head. That shit was mad intimidating. I'm just going to have to watch some tape with coach and figure out how to overcome it. He might come out with a totally new look though, so I have to be prepared for anything."

Ron Artest also gave credit to his mustache for getting into Durant's mind.

"I could tell that the dyed hair was losing its power after games 1 and 2, so I knew that I had to come back into LA with a new look that would throw Durant off his game," said Artest.

"As soon as I finished shaving my head and getting my mustache right, I looked into the mirror and said to my mustache, 'You're going to be the X-factor tonight, 'stache. Can't nobody get by you.' From that moment on, I just knew we were going to take them out. As great as my mustache was, I think my bald head deserves a lot of credit for this win too."

While Artest's 'stache proved to make the difference last night, can it continue to slow down the Thunder on their home court? Lakers' coach Phil Jackson is already planning what Artest's next look will be for game 6.

"Now that Ron is bald, we're starting to run out of options as far as what to do with his appearance," said Jackson, "but we've been tossing around some ideas on how he can come into Oklahoma City with a new, and even more intimidating look. Our first idea was to bring in a professional make up artist to make Ron look like one of the zombies from Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' music video, but that little bitch David Stern caught wind of that and threatened to fine me again. It's a real shame too, because we a had whole dance routine in the works for the announcing of the starting line-ups. At least we have Pau who basically looks straight out of the 'Thriller' video."

Because he's a big fan of mustaches and the Thunder, I tried to get a comment from Dank Game's Teenage Mustache regarding Ron's 'stache and the Thunder's loss last night. Thus far he hasn't answered his phone or responded to e-mails. I suspect that he's jealous of Ron's mustache and embarrassed by how much crazier Artest has proven to be than the Cincinnati Bengal's Chad Ochocinco.

Obsessed Kobe Fan

Although this is fake, it wouldn't surprise me to hear a real Kobe dickrider say some shit like this.

Lebrondomination!

The Cavs poured on the scoring tonight to beat the Bulls 121-98. Lebron had his fifth career playoff triple double with 37 points, 12 rebounds, and 11 assists, throwing in 2 steals and a block for good measure. It is unbelievable to me to see him dominate every facet of the game like that. He controlled the defensive glass in the first quarter, getting 5 rebounds in the first 10 minutes. He looked so strong on that two handed monster jam. It's crazy because, as good as he played in the first half, he played better in the second half. His leadership down the stretch run was great. I was out of my seat when he hit that buzzer beater from two steps inside the half court line. Mike Brown sat him down towards the beginning of the fourth quarter and the Bulls pulled it back under twenty only to see Lebron come back in the game and bring the lead back up to thirty. His efficiency is off the chart; who else would put up 37 points on only 17 shots?

Zoo Babies

Spring has sprung! The NFL draft happened this weekend, which means we get our first peak at the newest Bengals. Without further ado, I present to you the newest tiger cubs in Cincinnati:


Here's first round pick Jermaine Gresham nursing. He's predicted to be the teams new number one Tight End. He comes to Cincinnati all the way from the jungles of the Oklahoma Sooners. Hope he grows up into a mauler.









This beautiful creature is the only white Bengal tiger Cincinnati drafted this year. His name is Jordan Shipley, and he hails from Austin, Texas, home of the Longhorns. He was a third round pick, and his main position is wide reciever (as a side note - yes that's right. The Bengals drafted a white wide receiver).




And here's 2nd and 3rd round picks Carlos Dunlap (left) and Brandon Ghee playing together. Both will look to get snaps on defensive in nickel situations. Carlos is a Defensive end, and as you can see he's doing his best impression of an alligator. That's because he grew up in Gainsville, FL. Brandon wails from Wake Forrest, and he's the fastest of the new cubs. He looks to become the team's number three cornerback.



That cuddly duo on the right is linebacker Roddick Muckelroy (left) and wide receiver Dezmon Briscoe. Roddick comes to Cincinnati from the University of Texas and was a fourth round pick. Dezmon comes from Kansas, and arrives in Cincinnati via the sixth round.






These are the three biggest cubs, so no surprise they'll be looking to play offensive and defensive line. On the left is Geno Atkins, a defensive tackle from Georgia picked in the fourth round. In the middle is fifth round pick Otis Hudson. He'll be playing Guard. That cutie on the right is Reggie Stephens who hails from Iowa State. He was picked in the seventh round and will face an uphill battle to stay on the team.



It's a shame they can't stay young forever.

The Dunk Heard 'Round The World

Russell Westbrook welcomes Lamar Odom to Oklahoma City.

Funny Bengals Tweets Vol. II

Welcome back to Funny Bengals Tweets - the column where I don't have to come up with any original material. Here's what current and former Bengals players are tweeting about.

Former Bengals OT Willie Anderson (WillAnderson79) had a fun family night at Medieval Nights:

• Medieval Times with my son and my guests
• Show blood! I paid a lot for these tickets
• My son is like "Dad you realize this is not real?" I said "Boy shut it. Its real to me!" Hater!
• I wanna live this way foreal! Fight for your food, money and you queen! lol

Former Bengals DL John Thornton had an observation about Shitsburgh, and gave some parenting advice:

• Pittsburgh nightclubs suck. All their bouncers have lil man syndrome
• Who names their kid Wellington? wtf
  

Linebacker Rey Muauluga took in some TV and some recreational sports:

• Watching 16 and Pregnant haha. I hope this show is fake. These girls are way too young
• Winton woods to play some frisbee golf [editor's note - this is probably only sweet if you're familiar with Cincinnati]
  

Wide receiver Andre Caldwell (caldwell87) offered some fashion advice and a possible idea for a start-up business:

• If you wear tall T's and extra big pants in 2010 you style is dead
• Are there any good car wash companies that come to the house?
  

Defensive end Antwan "He's Not Human" Odom (AntwanOdom98) is a fan of the OchoCinco News Network:

• @ocnnbreaking will soon be the leading news source on the planet

Offensive Lineman Evan Mathis (ergoism) expressed his loyalties:

• I pledge allegiance to the swag

Defensive tackle Tank Johnson (TankJohson99) had some thoughts about popular snack cakes:

• I bet little debbie aint so little!
  
• Little debbie is definitely Big Debrah now!
  

Until next time Dank-Gamers

Nike Air Max Penny 1 Coming Back In Spring 2011

According to Nice Kicks, Penny Hardaway's first signature shoe will be re-releasing in the spring of 2011. This original colorway was re-released back in 2007, but this time around Nike will also be dropping a purple and orange colorway inspired by Hardaway's time spent with the Phoenix Suns.

I've always had an obsession with the Penny 2, but the originals have a special place in my heart as well. When I was in fifth grade, I was really feeling these but my mom made me settle for a cheaper version without the exposed air pocket in the back. Needless to say, my mother greatly neglected my shoe game when I was a child.

I probably won't be willing to make an investment in these next spring, but if Nike decides to drop this white and grey colorway too, then I might have to set some funds aside.

Maybe I Should Jump On The 'Bron Bandwagon

With the Heat simultaneously shitting and pissing the bed against the Celtics, I'm thinking about finally giving in and cheering for the home state Cavs. This reinterpretation of the Bone Thugs-n-Harmony classic has got me facing a, ahem, crossroads in my NBA fandom.

Then again, I could start cheering for the Bobcats. This video gives me pretty good reason to give them a chance.



Props to Trey Kerby of Ball Don't Lie

Big Baby Wants To Be Called The "Ticket Stub"

Glen "Big Baby" Davis is once again trying to shed his long-time nickname of Big Baby after his first attempt to adopt the nickname "Uno Uno" failed. I'd like to think that myself and Teenage Mustache played a role in putting "Uno Uno" to bed early.

Kevin Garnett has been known as the "Big Ticket" ever since he was drafted out of high school by the Timberwolves in 1995. Apparently someone started calling Big Baby the "Ticket Stub" when he had to fill in for Garnett during last year's playoffs. I think it's safe to assume that Big Baby coined the nickname for himself, especially considering how he's embraced it. He's gone as far as referring to himself as the "Ticket Stub" in first person... twice in a row!

"The ‘Ticket Stub,’ he’ll be ready,” said Big Baby. “I just can’t wait to help them. The ‘Ticket Stub’ loves to fill big shoes.”

In addition to being a shameless rip-off of Chad Ochocinco, I think one of the main reasons "Uno Uno" didn't catch on is because it failed to emphasize Davis' stocky build. If a Glen Davis nickname is going to have any staying power, this physical attribute must be incorporated. Why do you think the nickname Big Baby has stuck with him for so long?

Unlike "Uno Uno," the "Ticket Stub" actually does make reference to Big Baby's build, as he's basically a walking stub. This makes it slightly better than "Uno Uno," but I still question the nickname's potential for longevity. Big Baby is just so perfect. I can't imagine any other nickname taking it's place.

Sorry, Big Baby. Nobody's going to call you the "Ticket Stub" except for maybe your teammates, who will probably do it either to make you feel better about yourself or to make fun of you behind your back for constantly referring to yourself as the "Ticket Stub" in first person.

Your nickname is Big Baby. Deal with it.

Quotes from Marc J. Spears of Yahoo Sports

In Yer Face Noah!

Lebron played great tonight even though he took some really tough shots. It would be easy to call Lebron out for his shot selection, but I loved his killer instinct. When he drained that 3 pointer over Joakim Noah you could see it in his eyes. It was like his answer to Joakim's comment about Cleveland--a step back 3 pointer over a 7 footer, only Lebron man, only Lebron. The Cavs are rolling against the Bulls and I don't think there is anything Derrick Rose can do to answer.

As Charles Barkley was saying on TNT, they don't care about the Bulls, they're playing for a championship. The supporting cast will need to step up as they get deeper in the Playoffs. Antawn Jamison is going to have to play better defense. There was one play in particular that did not look like Cavs basketball; Jamison was late getting back on defense and was out of position with his back turned instead of playing help D. The play ended with an easy layup by Flip Murray. I don't mean to call him out too much, but I think he needs to play with more intensity. It was good to see Shaq back. Hopefully he'll be able to play more than 15 minutes. I'm sure he will since Mike Brown is probably trying to ease him back in a little bit.

NBA suspends Garnett for "acting like a little bitch"

Kevin Garnett has been suspended one game by the NBA for what the league has described as "punk ass behavior." Towards the end of the Celtics victory over the Heat in game one, Paul Pierce was on the ground nursing a presumably fake injury and Garnett came over to check on him. Miami's Quentin Richardson started talking trash because he believed Pierce was dramatizing his injury (he would later call both Pierce and Garnett "actresses") and wanted to get on with the game. Garnett turned on his trademark intensity and shoved Richardson aside with his elbow. Some jawing ensued and before long an altercation broke out with Udonis Haslem, Big Baby, and others getting involved. In the midst of this skirmish, Garnett threw an elbow which caught Richardson in the face. Garnett immediately ran away after he threw the elbow.

Here's video of the altercation:



The NBA has released the following statement about the incident:

"The league has reviewed the incident that occurred during the Miami Heat and Boston Celtics game on Saturday, and has decided to suspend Kevin Garnett for acting like a little bitch. Although his elbow that connected with Quentin Richardson was enough to warrant a suspension, the NBA would like to stress that Garnett's punk ass behavior is equally punishable. The league empathizes with Quentin Richardson for reacting to Pierce's lame attempt to fake another injury, but as a matter of policy, the NBA is obligated to fine him $25,000 for playing a role in inciting the altercation."

In an unprecedented move by the NBA, the league has cited the following fan-made YouTube video to emphasize similarly punishable "bitch moves" made by Garnett in the past.

Snax 4 Sports Fans - 6-Layer, 7-Star Taco Dip

Seanz Snax? Give me a break (Kit-Kat pun unintended)

Sure, if you want to be some lame Lakers homer, go ahead. Imitate Lamar Odom and chow down on some damn chocolate. But if want a real game time treat, try Snax 4 Sports Fans on for size.

Today I've got 6-layer, 7-star taco dip. It's pretty easy to make, and best of all you can name it after whatever team you're rooting for. On Sunday's in the fall, I usually would call this Bengals Dip. For the next week or so, SlimMcFanOfDip might call this Heat Dip. Perkins could call his either Cavs Dip or Cavalier Dip. You get the idea - the possibilities are endless.

To get started, you'll need a large bowl or one of those deep plates that's kind of like half-plate, half-bowl. As a base you'll want piping hot black beans and rice.

All Star tip number 1 - use Zatarain's Black Bean and rice mix. It's really easy to make, and the directions are on the box.

Once you've got the beans and rice in the bowl, add a nice layer of shredded cheese. This is a good time to microwave the bowl for about 20 seconds to melt the cheese a little.

On top of the cheese, place a relatively thin layer of salsa. You can use salsa verde if you want, but with the green lettuce about to be placed on top, red salsa looks a little more presentable. Place the shredded lettuce directly on top of the salsa layer - either buy shredded lettuce or rip it up yourself. It doesn't really matter - this layer is mostly just decorative.

Lastly garnish the top with sliced jalapenos. If you buy the pickled kind they're usually not as hot, but this step should be performed for personal taste.


Anyway, here's a picture of the dip half eaten. Notice a somewhat clear layering of the ingredients. All Star tip number 2 - if you've even come close to making this dip right, it shouldn't stay half eaten for long.

So there you have it - a dank snack for a Dank Game. This Tuesday we can call it Thunder Dip, which actually has a pretty sweet ring to it.

Your move Sean

The Half Court Heave: Magic Everywhere In This Bitch

Alright, Dank Gamers. Here it is. Our first ever podcast, The Half Court Heave starring Slim McFavorite and the homeboy Ryan. We mostly talk NBA Playoffs, but we also get into The Adventures of Little Koala and magic. Trust me, you should definitely click on that magic link.



Download The Half Court Heave Episode 1: Magic Everywhere In This Bitch

Intro Song: "Friction" by Television
Break Song: "Flawless" by Fat Ray & Black Milk
Outro Song: "Weekend" by Wood

Can The Heat Light Up The Green?

The time has arrived, Dank Gamers. Playoff time. Kicking off tomorrow.

While the majority of the matchups in the East will probably be over before they start, the Heat look to be the only team capable of pulling off an upset.

Boston has lost seven of their last ten and have been playing .500 ball since Christmas. The Heat, on the other hand, have been playing their best basketball since March, with the best defense in the league since the All-Star break. They've had an incredibly easy schedule to close out the season, but hopefully they can carry their momentum into the playoffs and capitalize on the rudderless Celtics.

I can't stress enough how thrilled I would be if the Heat manage to bounce Boston. First off, it would likely increase the chances of Wade staying in Miami and it could help convince another top tier free agent to join him in South Beach. Secondly, the Heat advancing past Boston would likely be the end of an era for this Celtics team. I've been eagerly anticipating the demise of this Celtics squad since they won the championship, and how sweet it would be if the Heat turned this short-lived Celtics era to ash.

Dank Game Announcement: You've probably noticed there hasn't been much NBA Playoff talk here on Dank Game prior to this post. But don't worry, I'm not giving up right as things are just starting to get interesting. Keep your heads up for something to drop tomorrow that will break new ground for Dank Game... unless something goes horribly wrong, which is entirely likely.

The Stan Van Gundy Makeover

Give SVG a makeover. This is the best interactive thing I've seen on the internet in a long time. If someone makes a Jeff Van Gundy one, that will be the best thing I've ever seen on the internet.

Props to Trey Kerby of Ball Don't Lie

Thursday Throwback Posterization: Shaq Crushes The Dream

It's already Thursday again Dank Gamers, so you know what that means... Throwback Posterization time! This week's throw down is courtesy of Shaq Diesel, as he absolutely destroys Hakeem "The Dream" Olajuwon. Because Scott Skiles was still with Orlando in this video, this is either from Shaq's first or second year in the NBA. Just a year or two later these two teams would meet in the Finals, with the Rockets sweeping Orlando for their second title in a row.

The Magic run a great play here to get Shaq the dunk. Scott Skiles cuts to the basket and gets a nice a bounce pass from Jeff Turner. Because Skiles beats his man Scott Brooks on the cut, Hakeem is forced to help on defense. Skiles notices that Olajuwon left Shaq open and immediately dishes it to him. Brooks makes a half-assed attempt to steal the ball from Shaq, and Olajuwon does his best to contest Shaq's dunk, but the Diesel is just too powerful. It's a great posterization by Shaq, who hangs on the rim with one hand to rub it in.

One thing worth noting is that both point guards in this video are candidates for this season's Coach of the Year Award. Both Scott Skiles and Scott Brooks have led young teams to unexpectedly successful seasons, with the Milwaukee Bucks and Oklahoma City Thunder, respectively.

A Face Only Pittsburgh Could Love

I'm not going to bother getting into the specifics, but for the second offseason in a row, Ben Roethlisberger has made rape charges more or less go away. Maybe he didn't do it, maybe it was consensual, whatever. I do want to type Rapistberger once, but if I am to respect the letter of the law I must point out that Big Ben was never proven guilty.

However, look at this fucking picture. Jesus Christ, the only fatter starting quarterback in this league has got be JaMarcus Russell, and I'm thinking Ben could give him a run for his money. Then there's his hair. Did he comb it with a fork and crisco on his way out of the Waffle House?

This is the press conference where he apologized to Pittsburgh fans! He could shave? He couldn't iron his shirt? At least he's wearing a belt, although it is a bit sad he needed cue cards for his apology.

Good God man, pull it together. Maybe that motorcycle accident from a few year ago knocked the brain out of his head.

Unsung Player Day: Jamaal "The Big Cat" Magloire

April 14th has become known as Unsung Player Day in the NBA blogosphere, thanks to the Lakers blog With Malice. The goal is to come up with a player who averages under 10 minutes a game, but makes the most of his time when the coach calls him up. Naturally, I immediately looked at the Miami Heat's roster to come up with my own unsung player. My initial reaction was to go with "The Dayton Kid" Daequan Cook, but to my surprise, he averages over 15 minutes a game. Also, he really hasn't contributed much this season, so I went with Canadian center Jamaal "The Big Cat" Magloire instead.

Magloire has been the epitome of a journeyman throughout his career, spending time with the Hornets, Bucks, Blazers, Nets and Mavericks before signing with the Heat. His time in Miami has seen him mostly on the bench, but when he's been called upon he's provided toughness and great effort in the middle.

Averaging just 9.7 minutes a game, he's managed to put up 2.1 points and 3.3 rebounds while shooting 50% from the floor. Obviously not overwhelming numbers, but certainly not bad for the limited minutes. He isn't shy to dish out a hard foul when players try to take it to him, so his presence alone will make the opposition think twice about driving into the lane.

One thing about Magloire that stands out to me is that Dwyane Wade seems to trust him on the pick and roll more than any other center on the Heat. Jermaine O'Neal does his best offensive work in isolation plays while fellow Canadian Joel Anthony can't catch a pass half the time.

It's hard to say whether or not Magloire will be back in a Heat uniform next season, as the Heat have most of their money tied up in trying to resign Dwyane Wade and another marquee free agent. With that said, his current salary is just $825,497 so there's definitely a chance that he'll be back as a reserve center. At 31-years old, Jamaal has hinted that he might retire sometime soon to be with his family, but he also admits that it's hard to turn down the money.

Oh, It's On

That's right Dank Game, the moment has arrived. With the NBA playoffs only a few days away, the first official match-up is our beloved Oklahoma City Thunder vs. the hated Los Angeles Lakers.

Now I don't want to hear any guff about how the Lakers are defending champions, number one in the West, or a certain number 24. Because none of that is going to matter. The Thunder are too hungry.

Durant is the reigning scoring king of the NBA. Kobe Bryant is a pathetic fourth in the league. Russell Westbrook has 645 assists on the year. The closer Laker is this Kobe Bryant fellow again, with 365.

These stats tell me that the Lakers have only one legitimate offensive threat. Tell me how the Lakers are going to keep up with the Thunder air show with Serge "the Congolese Squeeze" Ibaka blocking half of everything Kobe tosses up with? (Ibaka has 91 blocks on the season as a rookie - he's also from the Democratic Republic of Congo - I'm trying to invent a nickname for him)

So that should settle it. Thunder over the Lakers. In six.

The only remaining question is whether it will be the Dank Game approved Miami Heat or Cleveland Cavaliers taking on the Thunder in the finals.

Stats provided by NBA.com

Heckling 101 / JJ Redick's Hair Styling Secrets

Last night I was lucky enough to get free courtside seats for the Pacers Magic game at Conseco Fieldhouse, and as always my friend Ryan went above and beyond his duty as a Pacers fan to heckle the visiting team.

At one point in the game, Ryan was trying to remember if J.J. Redick had won a national championship while playing at Duke, which prompted the guy next to us to look it up on his smart phone. Turns out he didn't win a championship, but that's besides the point. While the guy was looking this up, he came across a Q&A on Redick's website in which he describes how he styles his hair. Here's his secret:

Question: Sort of a random question here, but what the heck. What kind of hair product do you use to keep your hair in place all game?

Answer: Very funny question. And it’s a question that people ask me all the time. The truth is I use very little product but instead rely on a simple, yet effective procedure. I take a little bit of stick wax and rub it on my palms and fingers. I run my hands thru my a few times then take a towel (this is the key) and rub the towel over my hair for two or three seconds. The towel leaves my hair in a messy “fro” but it gives me something to work with. Then I style my hair accordingly. All in all the process takes 30 seconds to a minute.

Of course, Ryan immediately worked this into his heckling arsenal. The next time Redick was near us on the court Ryan shouted, "Hey JJ! Is that some stick wax you got in your hair?!?"

The play had yet to start so Redick turned towards us and shouted, "Yeah! But it isn't on a stick, it comes in a can! It lasts about two days!" That's most definitely paraphrased, by the way.

Unfortunately, it wasn't until today that I discovered that Redick is an aspiring rapper. That would've been some pure gold for last night's heckling.

Favre Needs New Wrinkles For Offseason Playbook

I'll be the first to admit it. I like what Brett Favre has added to the last few years' NFL offseason. Let's face it, nothing else is going on (except - yawn - baseball).

The last three years it seemed all anyone in the media could talk about was whether or not Favre would come back for another year. But although Brett has not yet committed to playing football in 2010, no one seems to care. Well Teenage_Mustache cares. Favre just needs some new ideas to keep offseason interest piqued.

The problem is the now-familiar pattern. We hear almost nothing from Favre after the season, save maybe a quick half-hearted retirement. Then rumblings emerge that he has started leaning toward playing again, often creating problems for the team currently carrying his contract. Then once training camp is largely over, Favre reports to play for whomever he signs on with. This pattern is so widely assumed now, and he played so well with the Vikings last year, that the media and fans simply expect this to happen.

Despite this, Favre has done nothing to build anticipation for either playing or potentially hanging up his cleats for the 2010 season. Maybe he's too busy with his new grandchild - that's right, Brett Favre is a 40-year-old grandfather. Or maybe he's too busy playing pick-up football games with those Wrangler-wearing good-old-boys. Or maybe he really is just sitting around on a tractor in Mississippi.

Whatever is occupying Favre's time though, he needs to start thinking about occupying other people's time. Brett needs to make other people keep guessing what his next move is. Perhaps he should take up minor league baseball or dogfighting or fighting fans at NBA games. After all, those activities certainly drummed up media flurries for other star athletes. I simply don't have the answer, as I am not the entertainer that No. 4 is.

Well, whatever Favre is doing, he'd better start making noise after the draft. Because that's when the offseason gets really boring.

Thursday Throwback Posterization: Young Kobe Throws It Down

This weeks Throwback Posterization features a young Kobe Bryant playing in what appears to be some sort of high school all-star game at the Palace of Auburn Hills. Kobe is around 17-years old here, so this is likely in 1996 during his senior year of high school. During this same year, Kobe took Brandy to his high school prom. Just thought that was worth noting. Kobe gets some impressive extension on the dunk, which allows him to get the ball up and over the defender, who does a decent job at contesting the dunk.

Thunder F*cked!

After the Thunder beat Boston last week, Kevin Garnett said that he "thought [the Celtics] were playing Michael fucking Jordan" with the way Kevin Durant was getting the whistle. This week, Durant got no call after being fouled in overtime by C.J. Miles on a potential game winning three-pointer against the Jazz. Normally KD is a pretty laid back, easy going guy, but after the no-call he was absolutely livid.

The NBA announced today that Durant was in fact fouled on the play by Miles, robbing the Thunder of a game that very much could have been theirs.

Needless to say, Teenage Mustache is busy writing an angry letter to David Stern.

Even though the officiating was less than ideal, this was still an instant classic. With a final score of 140-139, it was the most points scored in a game this season. Deron Williams and Kevin Durant both took their game to another level, with Williams finishing with a career-high 42 points and Durant finishing with a season-high 45 points.

After the Jazz seemed to have pulled away in the fourth, Durant went off for 12 points in the final three minutes. Jeff Green also made some key plays down the stretch, including a game-tying three-pointer to knot the game at 129 with 8.3 seconds left in regulation. In the end, Deron Williams would make the game winning shot with 1.1 seconds left off of a Boozer hand-off and screen. After watching this amazing game, I'm praying for a Thunder vs. Jazz matchup in the first round.

The Ever-Elusive Triple-Double

It's pretty difficult to get a triple-double in the NBA. Unless you're Oscar Robertson or Ice Cube, you don't just mess around and get a triple-double. Because this feat is so rare and respected, it has reduced a few NBA players to some shameful shit in trying to accomplish the ever-elusive triple-double. The most recent culprit: the Washington Wizard's Andray Blatche. This video breaks it down pretty well:



While this is far from the most shameful attempt at completing a triple-double, it's still pretty despicable. First, he starts pouting when his teammate Cartier Martin catches a Chris Douglas-Roberts' airball for a rebound, but what's even more deplorable is when he tries to convince the Nets' Yi Jianlian to not box out and let him grab the rebound off of Javale McGee's second free throw. Yi's reaction says it all, as he immediately dismisses Blatche's plea. I understand that it's a badge of honor to get a triple-double, but don't give up your dignity in trying to accomplish it.

Which brings me to the two most shameful moments in triple-double history.



First, we have Anthony Bowie, who needed one assist to complete his first career tripe-double, prompting him to call time-out with just seconds left. Magic coach Brian Hill was so disgusted by Bowie's petty stat-padding that he walked away from the huddle, letting Bowie organize the play. Pistons' coach Doug Collins was so irate that he instructed his players to stand away from the play, which led to the league fining him $5,000. If you ask me, Bowie should be the one getting fined. Bowie tries to apologize after getting his 10th assist, but Collins wants nothing to do with him. Anthony Bowie is remembered for this moment more than anything else in his career. Congratulations, you're a petty douche.



Now, for the most shameful attempt at completing a triple-double in NBA history, we have Ricky Davis during his tenure with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Realizing he was just one rebound short, Davis receives the inbounds pass and tosses the ball off of the Jazz's basket in an attempt to pick up his 10th rebound. I'm not totally sure whether he actually was credited for the rebound or not. As you can see, longtime Jazz head coach Jerry Sloan seems less upset than he does astounded. It's as if he can't even comprehend how someone could stoop so low. Apparently the Cavaliers wound up fining Ricky Davis for the play. By the way, I have no idea what's up with the Big Bird birthday party and creepy dude with nipple rings at the end of this video.

Ron Artest Gets His Own Reality Show

I think Ron Ron might be keeping tabs on Dank Game's Ochocinco vs. Ron Artest battle for craziest athlete, because as soon as Chad made the inevitable jump to reality television, Artest was right behind him. It was announced Friday that Artest will develop and produce his own reality show called "They Call Me Crazy" with E1 Entertainment and Tijuana Entertainment. I don't think they could've come up with a better title.

According to E1 Entertainment, the show will allow Artest to "make amends for past transgressions" and help aspiring musicians with his hip hop label Tru Warrier. Artest says he's excited to show people that there's more sides to him than what you see on the basketball court.

No word yet on when "They Call Me Crazy" will start or on what channel it will air.

Wade Posterizes Several Pacers

I meant to include this in my previous post about the Heat vs. Pacers game but couldn't find it on youtube. Wade takes it past Brandon Rush and Big Ugly for the finish over Josh McRoberts.

Wade Turns Up the Heat in Indy

Tonight I had the pleasure of witnessing a 43-point performance by Dwyane Wade in a 105-96 overtime win against the Pacers. Typically I get to Pacers games early before they start checking ticket stubs for the lower section, but bad traffic led to us arriving shortly before tip-off. We nearly eluded an old guy who was checking some other people's tickets, but dude took his job seriously and chased us down. Even if we had escaped that diligent old man, it would have been tough to find vacant seats because this weekend's Final Four in Indianapolis brought in a considerable crowd for the oft-empty Conseco Fieldhouse. Normally I wouldn't mind sitting in the nosebleeds, but it would've been nice this time to see Dwyane Wade do stuff like this from up close:



And that was just one of many highlight worthy plays by Wade.

Michael Beasley struggled yet again as my faith in him continues to fade. I really want to believe in the kid, but he just doesn't seem to quite get it. He did come out strong at the beginning of the game with a few encouraging plays, including this drive on Troy Murphy AKA Big Ugly:



But overall, the self-proclaimed Supercool Beas was pretty disappointing. He and Haslem couldn't contain Big Ugly, who finished the game with 29 points and 15 boards! Also, Big Ugly had the runner-up for play of the game with this put back dunk:



It was a great game to see, especially since the two Heat games I went to last season at Conseco Fieldhouse were losses. And one of them was a heart breaker that ended with a would-be game winner by Wade that just rimmed out. This time around, Wade sealed the deal in OT with consecutive three-pointers that had me grimacing upon their release, but celebrating after they dropped. The victory extended the Heat's win streak to seven games and moved them ahead of Milwaukee for the 5th seed.

Kevin Durant Is Top Dog

Quick question:

What NBA player to date has scored the most points this season?

It isn't Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade or even LeBron James. As diehard Thunder fans who frequent the site likely already know, it's OKC forward Kevin Durant! (pictured)

Durant has scored 2,195 points through 74 games played. King James is trailing by 25 points with one fewer game played. The two each have an impressive 29.7 points per game average.

As a side note, I am pleased that in Dank Game's first NBA season, it appears every team we represent will be in the playoffs, barring an epic collapse by either the Heat or the Thunder.

Birdman Spits Coin Out of Mouth

After rolling his ankle during Denver's win over the Blazers, Chris "The Birdman" Andersen had a coin or button or some shit fall into his mouth. Birdman clearly didn't enjoy this, as he immediately spit it out. I can't decide if the video or the still image is more amusing. I'm leaning towards the video, if only for the awkward and unsuccessful attempt of the guy trying to pick it up from Andersen's mouth.



















Big up to outsidethenba for the video and image.

Thursday Throwback Posterization: The Admiral on Dennis Scott

This week's Throwback Posterizations features "The Admiral" David Robinson with a driving dunk over the Magic's Dennis Scott. The play occurs shortly before the 30 second mark, so you might want to skip ahead. According to the guy who uploaded the video, this play was from March 6, 1994 (Shaq's birthday) and the Spurs came back from a 15 point 4th quarter deficit for the win. Both the Magic and Spurs would go into the playoffs as the 4th seed, and lose in the first round to the Pacers and Jazz, respectively.

For some reason, the Magic decided to have Shaq guard Antoine Carr rather than David Robinson, which leads to Robinson burning Larry Krystkowiak off the dribble. Robinson then goes up strong on Dennis Scott for the dunk and 1. His momentum takes him to the floor and his leg swings towards Penny Hardaway, prompting him to swipe it away out of frustration.

While this is a pretty raw dunk, it's somewhat overshadowed by Dennis Rodman falling on top of Robinson and hugging him on the floor in celebration. It appears as though he even tries to kiss his head while wearing a protective mask. What a maniac. Robinson, always the reserved type, seems pretty uncomfortable with Rodman's passionate camaraderie.